Blog

The Struggle of Obedience

Posted on by

“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:1-2

My hearts desire is to faithfully serve my Father, walking in complete obedience to what the Lord asks of me. I know and believe in my heart that his plans are perfect, that he has purposed and has a purpose for all things. But how can I walk in obedience to him when I don’t know what he is asking of me? How can I faithfully follow in his footsteps when I am struggling to discern his will in the midst of my emotions? These questions have been racing and rattling through my brain. I have stepped out in faith multiple times, invested my heart in where I was sure the Lord was leading me. I was wholly invested, ready to embrace God’s plan, but then… disappointment, discouragement, confusion. God broke me for a place and people group. He gave me vision and purpose. He aligned my heart with his. He told me to go, but then closed the door.

“Why did these plans I was so sure of fall apart? God I still trust you. Clearly you have closed a door, show me what it is you want me to do. I will be obedient, my life is yours.”

Then another opportunity arose. I was thrilled at the chance to obediently serve. I stepped out in faith and pursued the direction I felt the Lord leading me in. My heart was wholly invested, ready to embrace God’s plan, but then… disappointment, discouragement, confusion.

Doubt began to seep into my thoughts. Had I heard wrong from the Lord? Was I so eager to have a plan that I acted out of emotion instead of what the Spirit was speaking? I know that I hear God, and I know his voice, but I found myself in a place of wrestling. Wrestling with what God was doing, wrestling with trust, wrestling with why he would speak and not bring about his words. I would like to say that I took a day off from my school work to pray, and God gave me all the answers, but that is not how this panned out. It has been weeks of questions and wrestling. Weeks of praying and seeking. Weeks of fighting and asking God to give me wisdom. Weeks of waiting on him for understanding.

This week I was presented with a difficult and convicting question: If God truly speaks a plan to me and places a direction on my heart, then changes the plan, will I still trust him?

But what if God doesn’t speak – what about silence and seasons of feeling “distant”?

Even when God is not speaking, he is still moving.

The feeling of distance can be challenging, confusing, and frustrating, especially when we are seeking the Lord for direction and waiting on him for counsel. In those times, we must hold on to the truth that when God does seem distant, he is still present, active, and moving. The beautiful aspect of God’s silence is that it forces and challenges us to deepen our trust in him. Sometimes God allows us to come to the end of ourselves so that we must rely on him. If he gave us a play by play schedule of his plan, it would take away from the faith and trust that he desires from us. When we are unsure, choose to trust God, then see how he brought about his will, our faith in him is grown. Nothing that we do defines or changes him; he defines and changes us. God is always moving, whether he speaks or not.  Are we always trusting, or do we choose to listen to doubt when we are anxious for an update?

God’s movement is not dependent on our beliefs, but he invites us into a place of trusting him as he moves. He invites us to be aligned with his will.

Throughout this time of God stretching and growing my trust in him, I have been convicted and challenged. I realized that I had been so focused and worried about what God was doing, that I began focusing my prayers on God’s plan for me, rather than focusing on the purpose behind God’s plan. Now don’t get me wrong, praying for direction is not bad, but should we always be anxiously praying for the “next step”? God challenged me to come to a place of being concerned for his glory, rather than being concerned for my own happiness. God challenged me to shift my prayers – not to always pray about what God was doing but to pray that God would give me the strength, wisdom, and discernment to be obedient. In being obedient to God, we align ourselves with his will and his direction; and through that obedience we see his promises fulfilled. Our prayers should be concerned for God’s glory, not just our own happiness. If we truly desire to align ourselves with what God is doing, then obedience is the key.

I would like to say that through these revelations the Lord gave me all the answers and the direction that he was leading me in; but it doesn’t always work out that way. I still am not sure where God is leading me and I still have many unanswered questions, but these revelations have led me to an even more value result. They have given more depth to my trust in God. They have given peace in the midst of my confusion. They have brought contentment to my striving.

God has presented us with an invitation. He is inviting us to trust him in all things, at all times – when he changes the plan, when he asks us to wait, and when he is silent. Are we focused on bringing glory to his name, or are we more concerned with our own happiness and desires? God is always good, he is always moving, he is always in control, his plans are always perfect, and he will always lead us in his timing.

 

Jesus I want to reflect you, like a mirror where I stand
Not get stuck in these lies like sinking sand
But not just reflect you, God I want to project you
Like film on a screen, Help me to make you seen
I know that you are mighty, You are just, You are true
But how can I live daily looking like you
Your grace overwhelms me, It brings me to my knees
May your grace be sufficient, And your love me enough
I’m thirsty for you, God fill my cup
Adorn me as your bride, Waiting to meet you
At the altar, God help me to seek you
I’m broken and lost, I’m faced with suffering
But I’ve counted the cost, And I count it all as loss
The pleasure, the people, the power, the places, the picture of what this world says is priceless
The invitation you have graciously given, Is so much greater
Knowing that I am forgiven, I will conquer this world
Because you have conquered it for me
I can’t bring myself to turn back, Because I know who sees me
Take away this fear I have of man’s sight
That I might shine you, big and bright
To fear the Maker, The Creator of those very ones with eyes that spite
God give me eyes only for you, Take this life and make me new
To die to myself , Following in your footsteps
To see past the lies, the pain, the sorrow
To eagerly wait, Believing that you could come tomorrow
God make me a mirror, That through my eyes the world would not see me
But only a reflection of you 

Do You Need To Make An Appointment With Grief?

Posted on by

I have a long story but I will give you the short version.

My childhood had many significant rough patches; the kind of rough that needed a lot of healing in these young adult years. I have had to bring many memories and people before the Lord and ask for him to give me the grace of extending forgiveness though much of which was never asked for.

The last few years have been a mixture of some of the most joy and most pain I’ve experienced yet. I became a Bible teacher, which has been such a rewarding job. I got married to the man I love and God surrounded me with best friends, women I count on, plus I live in Montana and believe me, it truly is the ‘Last Best Place.’ I have also been away from my family for a long time. I’ve been watching my mom slowly die from a devastating disease and I have had to learn to say the big goodbye every time I leave her because it could be my last. I myself had to get tested for the same disease and though my result came back clear this year, my little sister tested positive. See what I mean? That’s a mixture.

I often find myself asking God a LOT of questions. Why me? Why us? Why now? Why this? Why did you allow that? All of which are valid questions. He doesn’t answer every one of them, but he has been gracious, tender and kind as I wrestle him daily on these different subjects.

Last year I went through a significant amount of grieving, which some days looked like my husband coming home to find me in a heap of tissues and tears and some days it felt like paralyzing numbness. I reached out to many people and from those conversations, one piece of advice stands out loud and clear. Someone I respect told me, “Laura, it sounds like you need to make appointments with your grief.” She was right. There were so many times I would try to keep juggling all my normal life tasks and push my pain down.

I would busy my brain and schedule with more than I could handle SO THAT I wouldn’t stop to think about the weight that was crushing my chest. Of course this caused surprise-attacks, like one afternoon standing in the line at Walmart. I was behind a woman who looked like my mom and I weeped uncontrollably while being checked out myself. You can imagine that poor cashier’s face. What about when I hear my 20 year old sister talk about her bucket-list of things she wants to do before the 5-7 normal years the doctors have given her, are over? I can’t explain the sort of numbness it ‘requires’ to keep it together thinking about how unfair that is.

Of course this all bubbles over. Of course that is NOT God’s plan for my grief. I recently taught the Book of Job and it so challenged my view of what I do with my pain. Am I stewarding it well? Am I treating it with respect and giving it room? No. I wasn’t and the more I pushed it down, the more it pushed against me. OR what about when I went to the other extreme? Spilling it uncontrollably all the time; being the only thing I can think about therefore being the only thing I can talk about. Letting it rule and run my life, my relationships and my decisions. It is exhausting. Are you exhausted?

I was and don’t get me wrong; this is still a daily struggle. I have learned to make appointments with my grief. To sit down before the throne room of God and weep. To fall apart, on purpose. Sometimes it looks like being alone, finding a place to actually use my voice and cry out to God; to spell out my hurt and explain my confusion. To be heard by God.. and myself. Other times it means getting together with someone who loves me enough to listen. Who won’t try to fix anything but who I trust to be a pillar of truth. They trust who God is and they know under it all I trust him but in this moment, I need to express my doubt and pain; and they let me.

The biggest trick is being aware you need an appointment. This isn’t like you’re bleeding out so you’re rushed to the ER; this is long before that. Like forcing yourself to regularly to take time to ask God and yourself how you’re doing and to actually listen; to not be afraid of what will come up when you pause and are stuck with your own raw thoughts. I realized that, when listening, often my heart is trying to tell me I need to take the time and often God is speaking to me about the pain I am trying to manage alone.

 It is not just for us that we seek healing and comfort in our grief.

The thing is, hurt people – hurt people and healing people – help people heal.   It is not just for us that we seek healing and comfort in our grief. We learn about our Comforter when we take time to seek him together, when we humbly invite God into our brokenness; that’s part of why he came. When we stand together as the Body of Christ, all healing in our own way and leaning into his grace and peace, together we mourn and together celebrate his strength in our weakness. Our grief is an invitation so create a reminder on your fridge or set one on your phone. You may have an appointment coming up…will you be there?


Thinking about making an appointment? Learn more about a YWAM Discipleship Training School!

A Discipleship Training School is a 5 1/2 month intensive missions and discipleship course. The journey begins in Lakeside, Montana where students get to learn and grow in the Lord followed by traveling to an outreach location to make God known in the nations.

To the Doubters

Posted on by

I doubt… A LOT. I think it’s completely normal to doubt. But what if God just simply wants us to believe that He is capable of more than we can imagine?  It’s more than we can imagine because we put our lives and our God in a box 90% of the time. I have a friend who doesn’t like personality tests because she says it puts her in a box she says she cannot be defined by a type of personality because she has many parts to her. I think so often we try to categorize God into a “personality type” we think he should be one way, but God is like my friend, he cannot simply be defined by one trait or one characteristic because he has so many parts to him. To quote Shrek:

Shrek: Ogres are like onions.
Donkey: They stink?
Shrek: Yes. No.
Donkey: Oh, they make you cry.
Shrek: No.
Donkey: Oh, you leave em out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin’ little white hairs.
Shrek: No. Layers. Onions have layers. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers.

God has a lot of layers to him and I don’t think we are going to see every layer of God even if we live to be 100 and that’s just because he is God and he is unexplainable.

Jesus Appears to Thomas –  John 20:24-29

24 Now Thomas (also known as Didymus), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. 25 So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord!”

But he said to them, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.”

26 A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” 27 Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.”

28 Thomas said to him, “My Lord and my God!”

29 Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”

Thomas was like all of us, he had his doubts. What’s shocking to me in this story is that Thomas walked with Jesus, literally. He saw people being healed, he saw the blind gain sight and he saw the dead raised to life. Thomas saw it all and yet when the people he spent the last few years with told him that Jesus rose from the dead, he doubted. How could he doubt when he literally watched the unexplainable happen time and time again?! And how could he doubt the people he spent so much time with, even if it seemed crazy, shouldn’t he have trusted the word of his friends? Why was it so unbelievable that Jesus could’ve risen from the dead when he watched Lazarus rise from the dead? If Thomas struggled with unbelief even when he walked with Jesus, maybe it’s not completely out of the ordinary that I too struggle with doubt.

Doubt so often holds me back from experiencing all that God has for me. I doubt that God is going to come through financially. I doubt that God wants to use me and I doubt that God could still perform miracles. I’m a doubter. But Jesus challenges Thomas to believe without seeing. See Thomas believed in the miracles because he saw them first hand, he was there for them. But when Jesus rose from the dead, he didn’t see him and because he didn’t see him, he didn’t believe. It’s not that he didn’t think Jesus was capable of rising from the dead he just needed to see it to believe it. And yet, Jesus says “Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”

And yet, Jesus says “Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”

There is something powerful about having faith. Faith, as defined by Webster, is a strong belief or trust in someone or something. It’s trust. Thomas wanted to see Jesus, he wanted to touch him and see the nail marks in Jesus’ hands. He struggled with unbelief which boiled down to the fact that he struggled with trust. He didn’t trust the word of the disciples. He allowed his doubt to interfere with believing that Jesus was who he said he was. But Jesus had grace for Thomas. And Thomas cried out “My God!” it turned out okay but how cool would it have been if Thomas could’ve just received what the disciples were saying? I wonder how that would’ve looked if Thomas had such a confidence in who Jesus is that when the disciples told him Jesus is alive that he said “YES! I knew what he said was true!” I know that either way Jesus loves Thomas the way he is. But I think we can experience so much more of who God is if we can just believe him even when we can’t see.

God has many layers and I want to experience the side of God that requires me to have a confidence and belief in the unseen. I don’t want my doubt to hold me back from experiencing all that God has for me. Oh and did you notice this detail? “A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” The doors were locked…

Overcoming Fear

Posted on by

Since I was a child I’ve struggled with fear. Fear of man, fear of health problems, fear of rejection. It was a gripping and suffocating problem to a point where I’d have panic attacks at 3 in the morning and allow it to devour my joy and control my life. A little over a year ago I began an adventure with God that has been walking me out of fear and into truth and I believe one day I will be completely free.

It began in my DTS (Discipleship Training School) when I got a quarter sized kidney stone and had to go home. It then continued through my outreach in Taiwan and the beginning of my School of Biblical Studies. I’d been asking myself “why” everyday. Why do I struggle with fear? Why have I gone through certain things? Why is this still something I have to face daily? And the hardest, where are you in this God? Well, I received an answer.

My school is currently studying Jeremiah. In our first class I was overwhelmed and in awe of God and his presence. Jeremiah was called as a young man to go and share hard news with the people of Judah. He was to share that God was going to use their enemies to execute judgment on them for all the sin they had committed. He was afraid to declare this, but he decided that God was worth doing anything for. He put away his societies view of what the appropriate age to be in ministry was as well as his fear of lacking in ability and chose to be obedient to God. In this harsh prophecy, God gives the people hope and comfort in restoration. In Jeremiah 18:5-11 there’s an illustration of a potter and clay. Through this our teacher, Deb Possin, so beautifully explained that God was telling the people they were going to go through this hardship and judgment, and that it had to happen in order for them to be REFORMED so that they could do greater things than they could’ve before.
Don’t get me wrong, my take away from this was not that God was giving me a kidney stone, allowing hard emotional disappointments, and stretching me to new depths in order to punish me for my sins. What I am saying is that God allowed me to face these things so that I could be reformed for greater things that I couldn’t have achieved before without those burdens. Why? Because He loves me so deeply.
He loves us so much that He doesn’t let us stay in one place. He doesn’t leave us where we are comfortable because He sees and knows we could be so much greater. He challenges us and sometimes it feels as if we’re completely broken, like a clay pot, but it’s not so we will sit in that crumbled place or be in bondage by those things, it’s so that He can mold us into something so much better, because He loves us and it’s for His glory. What a beautiful thing, to have a savior that loves us so much that He walks WITH us through our pain, He cares for us, He’s been through it all, and He knows what’s best even when we don’t understand.
I have found freedom in experiencing God and seeing how so very worthy He is. Even if it gets harder or I face something terminal, He is with me and He is reforming me for greater things and He loves me. I want to be like Jeremiah and walk out of fear and not be held captive by the world because I know I have the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, the Almighty Savior standing beside me and reforming me.

This Isn’t Just For You

Posted on by

In our first week of SBS, one of our teachers had us write down why we came. I wrote this in my notebook, “I came to SBS to gain my own understanding about this book I dedicate my life to and to gain intimacy with the One who called me.” My heart was pure and I believe my motives were good. Over the time I’ve been in SBS, my reason for being here has changed. Before I came to SBS, I desired to know truth. A common phrase I hear more often than I’d like is “my truth is my truth, and your truth is your truth”. I knew this went against everything I believed about Jesus being THE truth. What I didn’t understand was how God was calling me to be a part of blowing that phrase apart.

Over the course of the first quarter, I was overwhelmed as I dug into the Bible and uncovered things I’d never known before. I’ve known who Jesus was since I was three. How had I never known the difference between justification and sanctification? How had I never fully understood why Jesus’ death on the cross was necessary? Why hadn’t I ever heard it taught before that 1 Corinthians 14 isn’t about women not speaking in church, it’s about unity in the church? That first quarter, I really felt like I was uncovering gold in my studies. As I started to learn and understand these truths in the Word of God, I also learned that I’m not alone in my Bible illiteracy. Ron Smith, one of the founders of the SBS, shared with our class that less than 20% of Christians have read the entire Bible and less than 45% have read the entire New Testament. The fact that we call ourselves followers of Christ, yet walk around not having read the breathed out word of God, terrified me. My studying of the Bible went from an interest to a necessity. I realized that I’ve dedicated my life to following, loving and serving a God that I never took the time to fully know.

When we came into SBS, our staff said repeatedly “This isn’t just for you”, and I’d smile and think about how maybe someday I could share with someone an insightful tidbit I’d learned in my SBS and I’d have done my duty. During second quarter, I noticed a drastic shift in my mindset. No longer was I only studying to gain personal understanding, but everything I was learning I wanted to know well enough to teach other people. The Holy Spirit started working in me and stirring up a passion for truth. The thought came to me time and time again, “People have to know this. This is THE truth.” 2 Timothy 3:16­17 says “All Scripture is God-­breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” People can’t follow God if they don’t know his commands, they can’t have hope for the future if they don’t know what the promises are, they can’t live their lives as Sons and Daughters of Christ if they don’t know what their identity is. These truths are found in the Bible and the world around me is desperate to hear about it.

I started my SBS with the intention of gaining understanding about the Bible, and yes, over my time here so far I’ve started that never-ending journey. But the main thing I’ve gained through SBS is an understanding of how desperately I need to know this book. Not just for myself, but for the people who’ve never heard the name of Jesus. For the people who have heard his name and haven’t been shown his love. For the people who are followers of Christ and haven’t yet uncovered the depths of riches in the book they’ve hardly ever read.

Just Because It Hurts, Doesn’t Mean You’re Doing It Wrong

Posted on by

If you find yourself daily pursuing God and still running into challenges, grief, pain, and exhaustion, then I would like to say, “Welcome.” My name is Brooke, I have loved Jesus for eight years, and I get it. I’m with you. You’re not alone, you’re not doing life wrong, and your pain is not a product of being “out of the will of God.”

As Christians, we are often under the impression that once a person meets Christ, life should be exciting and fun all the time. This Hollywood concept creeps into our lives in more ways than we realize. For example, many of us get tricked into thinking that Christian marriage should always be full of compatibility, affirmation, encouragement, and sex. Or that a job, especially if it’s in “ministry”, should be totally and completely fulfilling, every moment, every project, every day.

I have been a Christian long enough to know that this is not true, but I am not immune to this way of thinking. And in fact, I have been bitten by disappointment more than once for believing that my life should, eventually, look this way.

Let me get one thing straight – life with Jesus is full of purpose, meaning, joy, peace, excitement, and fun. The beauty of having a relationship with the King is that any sort of work is Kingdom work, and anything can be used to glorify him.

We know this, but sometimes we don’t experience it. Sometimes, even in the best season, we don’t feel the best. This is what I want to emphasize today: Faithful Christians still experience disappointment and discouragement, and it doesn’t necessarily mean they’ve screwed up or have been disobedient. It’s just a product of being a human, and it’s meant to bring us to a place of perseverance and steadfastness.  

Although I try to purge the idealized image of a “perfect-happy-never-sad-always-sunny Christian life” from my striving heart, there are two major areas that I am susceptible to a skewed perception: love and calling.

Misconception #1 – Love

A little more than a year ago I got married. I knew going into it that Zach, my husband, would not “complete me.” I knew that he was imperfect. He had candidly shared past mistakes with me and we walked through disagreements, sin, and faults together and in pre-marital counseling. What I didn’t realize is how much real love would hurt, and how often I would find myself disappointed. I had hopes and dreams about what every-day life would look like as a married couple.

For example, I am a “words of affirmation” gal. There is nothing that makes me glow like time spent in discussion and exhortation with the one that I love. This is something that Zach does, but it’s not his primary expression of love. Maybe it’s because I’m a female, or maybe it’s just me, but I always expect more affirmation than my husband thinks is necessary. To him “good job” is an exuberant expression of honest affection. My question is “Why was it good? What did you like? How can I do better?” But that’s just not how he thinks. It’s not a poor reflection on his character, just a difference in communication.

Nonetheless, I felt like I was lacking in the area of positive reinforcement. But what’s worse than feeling a certain disappointment, is the feeling that if you had done something differently, you wouldn’t be experiencing this. I realized that I was holding to the belief that since both my husband and I love Jesus and love each other, we wouldn’t hurt, disappoint, or displease each other. Therefore, I began to assume that I had done something wrong.

Misconception #2 – Calling

Five years ago I followed a life-long passion and what I believe was God’s voice, and I ended up with the job of my dreams. Essentially, I get to teach the Word of God to 50 brilliant, passionate missionaries. And even more than that, I get to walk with them through the school; through the moments of revelation and tears, through the sin and the redemption, through the reconciliation of the past and the launching toward the future. Have you ever heard of someone living their “calling” at twenty years old?

And yet, in the midst of working the job of my dreams, I realized that work is… well, work. Once again, I find myself with misplaced expectations, believing that if my job was my calling, it wouldn’t feel like work. Every day would be exciting and I would jump out of bed in the morning. Monday would be a pleasure.

But that’s not how I felt every day. There are days when I’m flat-out exhausted. There are weekends when I’m working long hours on tedious projects. And to be honest, there are a few critical aspects of my job (in ministry, mind you) that I don’t particularly love, and/or am not good at.

Again, I am caught believing that since God called me here, I shouldn’t be feeling this way.

Well friends, I have to confess…

I was wrong.

What I have learned lately is that we are setting ourselves up for disappointment if we live under the impression that we will never disappoint or be disappointed. Obedience to God doesn’t always look like the “straight and narrow.” Sometimes it’s narrow and bumpy and winding. And that means that sometimes, we (yes, even Christians) get hurt, feel misguided, bored, purposeless, undervalued, and disappointed.

The best things in life might be free, but they are not easy. They require effort, determination, forgiveness, and staying on the course. It’s the things that push us toward God, not toward comfort, that are worth spending our lives on. The idea that the Christian life, love, and vocation is easy is a lie. If you are a Christian, then you are a human and you are not without fault. You are not without emotion. And you are not invincible. That means that people will hurt you, and you will hurt them. That means that your job will be difficult at times – even if it’s the one you’ve been dreaming about all your life. How do I know this? Look at the life of Jesus. If anyone has suffered, been disappointed, betrayed, hurt, burdened, worked tirelessly and been exhausted, Jesus has done so even more. And yet, he lived the most purposeful, glorifying, impactful, God-fearing, loving, and fulfilling life that has ever existed.

If you are a Christian and you have an imperfect marriage – you’re normal, and you’re not alone. In many cases it is the lows that make the highs possible. It’s the moments of rock-bottom and raw vulnerability that create closeness and intimacy. It’s the pain mutually experienced and the forgiveness lent that establishes longevity and impenetrable friendship.

And when it comes to “calling”, no project worth your time will be without sacrifice. If you are tired, staying up late, bearing with difficult people, shedding blood, sweat, and tears – good. What better cause is there to exhaust yourself with, than to work well with the job God has put before you? What better reason do you have to be spent than to be spent for the sake of the Gospel? Just because it requires effort or involves mundane moments doesn’t mean that it’s not your “calling.” (And I’m not just talking about jobs that are technically within the boundaries of ministry. Any vocation in which the worker “seeks first the kingdom” will be glorifying to the King.)

So yes, sometimes life hurts, love leaves you raw, and work feels like work. Even then, don’t fall into the trap of believing that you’re “doing it wrong.” That’s just life. And it’s totally worth it. Don’t give up and don’t back down when it doesn’t feel as good as you think it should. As James so eloquently put it, “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness” (James 1:2-3). So, press on friends. Your life – the victories and the trials – done through the guidance of the Spirit for the glory of the Father, are the clearest pictures of the gospel that the world will ever see.

Thinking about getting involved in missions? Learn more about a YWAM Discipleship Training School!

A Discipleship Training School is a 5 1/2 month intensive missions and discipleship course. The journey begins in Lakeside, Montana where students get to learn and grow in the Lord followed by traveling to an outreach location to make God known in the nations.

A Skill I Never Expected I Would Use

Posted on by

In 2013 I went through a course called Wilderness Advance First-Aid (WAFA) and CPR as part of Endurance DTS.  It was a fascinating course, however, I never expected I would use these skills. Then it happened, as I was going about my day with some friends, these skills were needed and I was called to put them to use.

In 2015, while a student in the School of Biblical Studies (SBS), some friends and I went to Seattle for spring break.  On our way to Seattle we stopped at a mall to grab something to eat at a food court.  While we were eating, my thoughts were drifting as I recovered from the long drive. Suddenly, one of my friends started shouting at me, “Benji help! He’s going to DIE!”  I looked up and saw a man with his children  at a nearby table, grabbing his throat, trying to speak but he could not. I quickly realized that this man was choking.  Knowing there were mere seconds to respond, I leapt out of my seat and my mind instinctively knew what to do from the EDTS training in First-Aid.  I wrapped my arms around the man and started the Heimlich Maneuver.  While preforming the Heimlich on him, I thought to myself that this wasn’t going to work and he is going to die right there in front of me.  I was about to turn to my friend and say  “call 911!” but then the man’s passage cleared and he was able to breath again.

What a relief! The adrenaline left my system as I sat down and felt a great weight drop from my shoulders as I knew the man would be alright.  When I sat down my friends looked at me and said  “Where did you learn how to do that?”  I told them that I took CPR and WAFA a few years back as part of EDTS.  Then it hit me as my friends told me that I had just saved a man’s life.  Other people started coming up to thank me for saving this man’s life.  What really touched me is when the man that was choking came up to me with tears in his eyes and thanked me.  Knowing that this man was a father and his kids were present with him during this awful incident, moved me to tears.  I was thankful that God could place me at this spot at this time to save this man’s life.

After we left the mall, I was telling my friends that I never expected to really ever use those skills.  My friends said that it was a good thing that I did, because if I didn’t, that man would have died and those children would be without a father.  I started reflecting on how Christians have skills in life that God has given us to help others to advance the gospel.  While I was able to physically save this man at this point in time, I also thought how we are all called to preach the Gospel to the dying, so they might believe on Jesus Christ and be saved for eternity.

It has been over two years since I first started with YWAM.  I am currently in the Outdoor Ministry Internship and part of Flathead Valley Search and Rescue.  I expect that God has plans for me to use these physical life saving skills again and again.  While I am eager to be used in this capacity, I pray that opportunities will arise to communicate the soul saving belief in Christ.

A French Connection For Salvation

Posted on by

One of the YWAM Taipei Staff, Julien, was at the Rock a few weeks ago and led a young man to Christ in a really unique way!

Julien tells the story below:

Lately God has been challenging me with my faith. He has been wanting me to ask for more challenges to increase my faith in Him. So here is proof that He is real.

This past Monday (February 1st) was a long day.  I got up at 5:30am to read the Word and pray.  I was then in meetings most of the morning and also taking care of a construction team from Montana. My friend Nathan and I had to ride on my scooter all day, going from shop to shop to compare prices for kitchen appliances.  It was a really bad day for driving on a scooter because of the cold and heavy rain we had in Danshui.  By 5:45pm I was ready to head home, get in my bed and sleep for the whole night, trying to forget about that cold and wet day, but I remembered I had to go to the Rock Cafe that evening, and that I had to prepare for the prayer time that I was leading.

There was nothing spiritual in me at that time, just logical thinking – I’m cold, wet, tired and I want to go home.  Well, I told myself it was pointless to go home, drive fifteen minutes there and fifteen minutes back because I was still going to end up wet somehow.  I decided to go get some nice mushroom cream soup and eat it at the Rock to have a bit of a quiet time and read a book.  At 6:30pm the phone rang.  Oh no, I’m in the middle of my meal. Come on…. I’m going to have to answer it because there is nobody else around. My Chinese is terrible and I am going to have to say that I’m sorry for not understanding them, again.  So I pick up the phone and of course a person is speaking super fast in Chinese and I have no clue what they are saying.  Therefore, I pull out my nice, “Sorry I’m french, my Chinese is not good, I can’t understand you.” And then all of a sudden I can understand the language, but it’s just weird because I don’t understand why I understand. Then I realize that this person was speaking fully French.  I end up telling this person that the Rock will be open at 7:30pm, as usual and that they are welcome to join us then.

7:30 comes around and a 20-year-old kid comes to me and starts speaking with an incredible French accent and pronunciation.  We end up talking about all and nothing until he asked me why was I in Taiwan.  Well let me tell you buddy.  So here I go, explaining the whole missionary calling and sticking in some miracle stories here and there.  Usually by that time the people lose interest because they think I’m crazy for following God in missions for the past ten years.  But this time this kid was so intentional and kept on asking questions. Before I knew it, I was sharing the whole Gospel to him and this is still all in French.  I could tell that the part about God being our Creator and our Father in heaven impacted him, so I shared some more about the Father, how He wants to have a relationship with us and how He loves us.  By then I’m starting to think that he might accept the Lord this same night, but the faithless part of myself reminded me about all those other times when I thought the same thing and nothing had happened.  By faith I asked him if he wanted to be part of God’s family and he said yes!  I was a bit shocked because I had never gone that far in the conversation before when I was preaching the Gospel.  So here I go, sharing the need of Jesus and all I know is that I am all of a sudden taking him through some verses in Romans. Then this kid proclaimed with his lips that Jesus is his Lord and Savior and that God is his Father!

Boom, chakalaka! What just happened? Did I really led a 20-year-old Taiwanese dude to the Lord and all in my mother tongue? Dang, God is good. And all I wanted that night was to be in my warm and comfy bed. God has a greater plan for us even when we don’t seem to be fit for it.

To Him be all the glory.

When the Unthinkable Becomes Real

Posted on by

In the Gospels we read stories of Jesus and the Apostles in Acts performing miracles of healing, the unthinkable. Ironically, when we read the Gospels, most people in the world, Christians included, believe that miraculous healing does not happen anymore. They think it is something of the past.  I used to discredit any thought of the miraculous until God changed my life with the power of healing and made the unthinkable become real.

In June 2013, a little over three years ago, I started a school at YWAM Montana called Endurance Discipleship Training School (EDTS). It is a Discipleship Training School that utilizes outdoor activities like hiking, rock climbing, and backpacking to grow in discipleship and minister to others.  In my first week of EDTS, I heard people talking about the power of God healing people and I was shocked to hear this.  My understanding was that God did not heal people in miraculous ways anymore and that was something of the past.  My honest reaction being new to YWAM was that these people are crazy to even think of this.  Little did I know that God had a plan to change my perspective.  A couple of weeks after the school started I was invited to go cliff jumping in Flathead Lake with some friends.  At first, I watched others jump in and it looked safe to me, so I jumped in. It was then that I realized that the water was too shallow and my foot hit the bottom.  I told my friends that I hit the bottom but I thought I was fine. When I got to the shore and stood up it was then that I felt a sharp pain in my foot.  The next day, in great pain, I went to urgent care.

They took an X-ray and told me that I had broken four bones in my foot and would be walking on crutches for the next three to four months.  I was thinking, “How could I go on with EDTS, which requires so much use of my feet?”  The doctor told me to come back in five days to see him after the swelling went down and to get an update.  As my school was camping those five days, they were the longest five days of my life.

At this point, I questioned God on why he would send me to YWAM, then in just a couple of weeks send me home because of my foot?  My friends and staff at YWAM were dedicated in prayer for my foot to be healed.  I kept on telling them that God does not miraculously heal anyone anymore, that was a thing of the past. I told them to stop wasting their time praying for something that was not going to happen.  Five days later I went back to the doctor to get an update on my foot.  I walked into the doctor’s office with crutches and in pain.  The doctor was pleasant to talk to and questioned me on what I am doing in Montana and at YWAM.  I tell the doctor about EDTS and that we do strenuous outdoor activities.  The doctor told me plainly that I would have to use crutches and there is no way that I could do any type of physical activities like hiking and climbing.  The doctor ordered another X-ray of my foot now that the swelling had calmed down.  As I was waiting for my X-ray results in the doctor’s office, I was frustrated with God and questioned him again, “Why would I be here only to be sent back home with a broken foot?” I was upset and said to God, “If you can really heal like people at YWAM said, then why don’t you just heal my foot?!” This is when the UNTHINKABLE happened! The doctor walked in with the old X-ray and the new X-ray in his hands.  He looked at me and said, “I have never seen this before in my life, the new X-rays are showing that your foot is no longer broken.”  I was shocked. Was I hearing the doctor correctly?  I asked him to say it again because I could not believe what I had just heard.  Amazed by what I heard the doctor tell me, I tried to stand up and see if  I could walk. Then the truth hit me.  I stood up and the pain that was in my foot was gone!  I started walking without any pain or discomfort.  Emotions overwhelmed me and I started crying because the unthinkable became real and the power of healing happened.

I went back to the YWAM base and told everyone I knew what had happened to me.  Most people looked at me and said, “Did you not believe in the healing power of God?”  I got on my knees in prayer to God to thank him for what He had done.  I proclaimed to Him that I would not doubt His miraculous works in the present and that I truly believe in the power of healing.  I am now a living testimony to that.  I try to share my story to people that need healing so that they might have faith and know that healing does happen.

He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you. (Matthew 17:20)