The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly of a Life Worth Living

“There will be failures and mistakes and criticisms. If we want to be able to move through the difficult disappointments, the hurt feelings, and the heartbreaks that are inevitable in a fully lived life, we can’t equate defeat with being unworthy of love, belonging and joy. If we do, we’ll never show up and try again.” – Brené  Brown, Daring Greatly, 2014

Over the past few years I have worked through something that has, and still is, changing my life – the power and the pain of vulnerability.

The five points that follow are things that I am still working on in my own life. I hope this post will help you in your own journey.

Life won’t go as you planned. And that is awesome.

I LOVE planning. I love researching all the tiny details of what I am going to do next. For me the planning process is part of the joy of doing something new. Whether that’s a trip, a new job, moving across the world or even relationships. I want to know all the possible details before I make a move. This is partially due to my personality, I just generally enjoy planning, but I also feel this way because I like to be in control. I even plan out what to do if things don’t go according to plan. I have backup plans for my backup plans.

But, thankfully, God doesn’t make life that simple.

He has these ways of redirecting us that range from a gentle nudge in a new direction to straight up hurling us off a cliff. Oftentimes when I start to forget that God is the one who has the BEST plan for my life that’s the moment when he decides to step in and intervene. In those moments my job is to just get out of the way and let him work. It’s not always as easy as it sounds but it is always worth it.

As a teenager growing up in a missions orientated church I always said that I wouldn’t end up doing a DTS like everyone else – that I would be different and that I was called to the workplace. That’s a calling that I believe still remains true, but God’s timing was different than my own and I’ve recently spent four and a half years as a missionary. I said yes to a five month DTS and God surprised me by calling me to serve full time with YWAM Montana Lakeside. I believe God brought me here because he wants to prepare me to be as effective as possible in my calling, whenever he decides it’s time.

Vulnerability hurts.

During the time that I lived in the States I had my heart broken or bruised more times than I ever had in the 22 years before. It’s not because American guys are especially mean, it’s because God has been developing my identity in him and giving me the courage to take chances despite the possibility of rejection.

And yes, sometimes it hurts. Laying it all out there, whether it be in a relationship, in a job or in a ministry, means taking risks and being vulnerable. Both of those things can often lead to pain, but it’s worth it! Through every heart-pounding jump out of my comfort zone and every disappointment and hurt, I have learned more about God’s love and care for me, and more about who he made me to be than I ever did in the good times.

Continue to points 3-5 below!


God surprised Sarah by calling her to a Discipleship Training School and into Missions. Could a DTS be a part of your story as well?

Yes! I want to find out more about a Discipleship Training School:


You get knocked down, you get back up.

So what do you do when you go for what you want and you fall flat on your face? You get back up. It’s really that simple. It’s been a hard journey to get here but I have learned that if you truly want something in life (and it is a Godly, Biblically-based desire) you have to keep going – even if you experience failure after failure. Use those times to grow, to lean into God’s love and to come back stronger to try again another day.

Wallowing in self-pity will only lead us down the long road of shame and insecurity, and that is not God’s plan for us!

You are enough.

“’You are enough.’
These little words, somehow they’re changing us.
‘You are enough.’
So we let our shadows fall away like dust.”  – Sleeping At Last, ‘You are Enough’, 2014

The artist Sleeping At Last perfectly sums up this point for me. When we fully embrace our identity as a son or daughter of Christ it changes us. When we realize that we are fully loved and cared for by God no matter how much we do or don’t do for him, no matter how we screw up or make him proud. We are always enough. If we understand this, it will change the way we react to disappointment, to heartbreak, to loss, to failure. We will transition from an attitude of, “I should have been/done/said this better” to one of, “Ok God, I tried and it didn’t work out. What’s next?”.

We cannot hope to have fully healthy relationships until we grasp this. We are not defined by our successes and failures. We are loved no matter what. We can love only because he first loved us.

No one is an island.

My last point is a little more practical.

I am blessed to be a part of a community of friends that challenges and changes me, that supports me. A community that I trust enough to show my true self to. These kinds of friendships don’t just happen by chance, they are the result of years of mutual vulnerability. They are the result of walking through struggle and victory together.

I have learned so much from seeing my friends walk through hard seasons, and from seeing them come out victorious on the other end. What a beautiful thing it is to partake in that process.

A life worth living is a life full of taking risks with God

Knowing that I have a good support network of friends means I have more courage to step out into risk and new things, because I know that if I fall on my face, there will be people to catch me and help me get back up. We can not live a life worth living alone. A life worth living is accepting that we are broken, imperfect, yet precious sons and daughters of God and that we are walking through the challenges of life with other broken, imperfect, precious people.

You may be feeling that you do not have this in your life, and, honestly, it is becoming a hard thing to find. We have to start by being willing to be vulnerable and intentionally building a community of friendships based on mutual honesty and shared life. These things take time and effort but the results are worth every beautiful, raw, messy minute.

Life was never meant to be easy – we are never promised that. But a life worth living is a life full of taking risks with God, stepping out into the unknown and trusting and hoping beyond our human understanding. It won’t always be a comfortable experience.

I am still a work in progress in all of the above, that’s for sure.

“Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.” Phil 3:12


I was prompted to write this post because of two books I have read recently; Brené Brown’s Daring Greatly and Donald Miller’s Scary Close. These books have changed my life in how I relate to myself and others, and how I view vulnerability and shame. Some of the ideas in this post I have been inspired by these books. I strongly recommend you check them out. 

God surprised Sarah by calling her to a Discipleship Training School and into Missions. Could a DTS be a part of your story as well?

Yes! I want to find out more about a Discipleship Training School:

Perseverance: Stand up Saints

I write all of this as a biblical christian. One whom desires and seeks foundational truth in scripture, that will help edify us all to persevere and give glory to God along the journey. There is a modern day notion that has been carried through the centuries. In which, as a born again christian you could still somehow lose your salvation, faith, or belief in God completely. This non-biblical concept is one direct reasoning for many believers struggling tremendously in their walk with the Lord today. And even with non-believers, not seeing the point of coming to Christ at all, in fear of eventually losing their salvation all together. However, God is very clear throughout scripture on how He keeps His children in the palm of His hand. Firm and secure, forever. Many people don’t agree, or just don’t like the doctrinal terms: Perseverance of the saints, Assurance of Faith, and even, Once Saved, Always Saved. So, I personally have chosen to use my own: Once Secured, Eternally Kept. As a way for myself to stand firm in perseverance.

“I give them (believers) eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand.” – John 10:28 | Jesus, addressing the shepherd (Himself) and His flock (believers) having eternal life secured in Him.

 “Neither height not depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us (believers) from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” – Romans 8:39 | Apostle Paul, urges that we are more than conquerors in Jesus, our assurer and sustainer.

“They went out from us, because they did not really belong to us. For if they had belonged to us, they would have remained with us; but their going showed that none of them belonged to us.” – 1 John 2:19 | Apostle John, examines the non-believers going out from the faith because they were never truly saved in the first place. Along with the true believers who had remained and persevered in faith.

So, we can see through the clarity of scripture, the question is not, Could I lose my faith? Or, Could I backslide (sin) far enough to completely lose my salvation? But rather, the real humbling question is, Am I truly saved? Moreover, Am I securely kept in God’s hand until He brings me home to glory? Because, if you are a born again christian there is no question about it. “He who begun a good work in you will carry it onto completion.” – Philippians 1:6 | Believer, that’s a promise. Hold onto it in glorious times, and in the disastrous times that you have. We are promised many troubles and struggles in this life. Therefore, we will fall short often, and even backslide into worldly pleasures that are ingrained in our sinful nature. There is no question about that. However, the persevering believer must have a new heart that breaks towards that sin, and must always come back, humbly seeking God in genuine repentance and reconciliation towards a pure communion with Him. In Christ we can do all things. He is the one keeping, sanctifying, and sustaining us along the way as we walk out our salvation, and as we fight the good fight of the faith.

“The saints shall persevere in holiness because God perseveres in grace. He perseveres to bless, and there believers persevere in being blessed. He continues to keep His people, and there they continue to keep His commandments.” – C. H. Spurgeon

The Road to Damascus

I have been a Christian since I was about 4 years old. I have grown up in a Christian home and have read my Bible quite a bit throughout the last 22 years. As I have grown and matured in my faith Paul has become one of my favorite characters within the Bible. I have always been so impacted by the way that he lived his life as a complete sacrifice for the Lord. My prayer throughout my study of Paul has always been that God would cause my life to reflect that same sacrifice and dedication. As I have continued to learn more about Paul, his theology and the reasoning behind his extreme transformation, I have seen that this life of dedication came from his simple and yet complexly powerful revelation of who Jesus was and what He had accomplished by dying on the cross and being raised from the dead. Of all the things to talk about when it comes to Paul, I cannot get away from the fact that everything he taught and lived for stemmed from the one moment where Christ was revealed to him.

The objective of this paper is to show why Paul’s experience on the road to Damascus was so powerful that it took Paul from persecuting those who followed Jesus to calling himself a slave of Christ Jesus himself. Paul’s life took a complete 180 degree turn after his vision of Jesus and I want to examine what Jesus revealed to him that was so impacting. I will start by showing how Paul’s background and upbringing hugely influenced his life and then was even used in a powerful way after meeting Jesus. I will show how the revelation that Paul received gave him no other option than to dedicate his life to the spreading of the gospel to all who would believe. First, I will explore who Paul was before he was confronted with the risen Lord.

A closer look at Scripture reveals a great deal about Paul’s upbringing:

Acts 21:39 – Paul is a Jew and also a citizen of Tarsus, which he describes as “no obscure city”.
Acts 22:28 – Paul was a Roman citizen. Though it was possible for people to purchase this citizenship for a large sum of money, Paul distinguishes that he did not have to purchase his Roman citizenship but had been born into it.
Acts 22:3 – Paul states that while he was born in Tarsus, he was brought up in Jerusalem at the feet of Gamaliel.
Acts 26:4-5 shows us that this upbringing was among the Pharisees, which he characterizes as the strictest party of the Jewish religion. Gamaliel, if it was the same Gamaliel mentioned in Acts 5:34 was the most prestigious rabbi of his time.

This was no small education that Paul had received.  This is communicated even further in the book of Philippians. In Phil. 3:5-6 Paul gives more insight into the history of his education as a Jew. Not only does he show that he was born into the tribe of Benjamin, but he was a Pharisee. The Pharisees were known as the “straitest sect” of the Jewish religion. Paul describes himself as the best of the best when it came to being a Jew. Each of these characteristics mentioned of Paul would have been significant in the Jewish religion. I will talk about why in a bit, but let’s first look at where Paul came from.

Tarsus, as Paul described it was “no obscure city”. Tarsus in fact, was the leading city of Fertile Plain of East Cilicia. It was a very prosperous place and having become a Roman province, enjoyed many privileges of being such, one of which was the exemption from imperial taxation. Those who were citizens of Tarsus were very dedicated to the study of culture, philosophy, liberal arts and education and learning as a whole. Though the students were mostly local and often left Tarsus to further their education, the entire city applied itself to education and could have been characterized as a “university city”. The prosperity of Tarsus was mainly due to the fact that it was located on the Fertile Plain. Tarsus was well known for its linen woven from flax that grew there and also from a substance called cilicium which was made from goat’s hair. We see in Acts 18:3 that Paul was a tentmaker. According to F.F. Bruce, tradesmen in Tarsus were excluded from citizenship because there had been a law put into place by Athenodorus that stated that 500 drachmae was required in order to obtain citizenship within Tarsus. If it is true that Paul was a citizen of Tarsus, as claimed in Acts 21:39, then it would also be safe to say that Paul came from a wealthy family, because they had enough money to buy their citizenship. But not only did Paul claim to be a citizen of Tarsus, he also claimed Roman citizenship, which he was born into and did not purchase (Acts 22:28). Roman citizenship was beneficial in many ways but most importantly it meant that a person was not able to be bound or to be put into prison without first having a trial and neither were they permitted to be scourged or whipped. Also, a Roman citizen had the right to appeal to Caesar. All of this is important in order to understand Paul’s status within society, but I believe his Jewish upbringing was most important to look at.

As I have already noted above, Paul makes claims to his Jewish upbringing in Philippians 3:4-6 where he states:

  “though I myself have reason for confidence in the flesh also. If anyone else thinks he has reason for confidence in the flesh, I have more: 5  circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; as to the law, a Pharisee; 6  as to zeal, a persecutor of the church; as to righteousness, under the law blameless. “[ESV]

From these verses we see that Paul was not only born a Jew but was of the tribe of Benjamin. This was obviously something significant because Paul also mentions it in Rom. 11:1. When Israel split into the northern and southern kingdoms, the tribe of Benjamin found itself in the southern kingdom of Judah. It was during this time that tribal identity was often lost, but there were the few that dedicated themselves to making sure that did not happen. These people became known as “the children of Benjamin”. This is probably the group that Paul descended from. Another thing that we see from these verses is that Paul was a “Hebrew of Hebrews”. Paul distinguishes himself clearly as a Hebrew and, from looking at Acts 6:1, it is shown that there was a distinction made during that time between Hellenists and Hebrews. Both were Jews, however Hellenized Jews were those who had been assimilated into Greek culture, spoke Greek , and even attended synagogues where Scriptures had been interpreted into Greek. Paul felt it was important to note that he was not a Hellenist because he had grown up around Hellenized Jews. Paul’s purpose in mentioning this was to show that he had the purest upbringing of Jewish culture and religion.

If all of that was not enough, he was also a Pharisee. Pharisees were known for their strict adherence to the Jewish Law. The name Pharisee actually came from the Hebrew word “parash” which means to separate. They had most likely come from the Hasidim who had fought along with the Maccabees in the revolt against Antiochus IV when he had tried to “Hellenize” the Jews. Out of this revolt came two groups of devout Jews, the Essenes and the Pharisees. The Essenes lived completely separate while the Pharisees remained active within the Jewish people, only separating themselves by their dedication to keeping the Jewish law in its entirety. They were most well-known for their strict adherence to the law in the areas of tithe and ritual purity since these areas had become less important to many other Jews. The Pharisees were very strict when it came to interpreting the law and knowing what it said on all matters (Acts 26:3).

The question that comes to mind is, “If all of this devotion to the study of the Word of God [being the OT Law] is true, then how could Paul’s mindset have been so contrary to that of God’s before meeting Christ on the road to Damascus?” For the answer it is necessary to look at the gospels and what Jesus had said to the Pharisees, and about them, before moving on with Paul:

Matt 23:13-15- “But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you shut the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces. For you neither enter yourselves nor allow those who would enter to go in.” [ESV]
Matt 23:23-24 – “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness. These you ought to have done, without neglecting the others.” [ESV]
Matt 23:25-26 –“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and the plate, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence.  26 You blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and the plate, that the outside also may be clean.” [ESV]
Matt 23:27-28 – “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people’s bones and all uncleanness.  28 So you also outwardly appear righteous to others, but within you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.”[ESV]
Luke 11:43-44 – “Woe to you Pharisees! For you love the best seat in the synagogues and greetings in the marketplaces.  44 Woe to you! For you are like unmarked graves, and people walk over them without knowing it.”[ESV]

It is clear from these passages that Jesus was more concerned about the condition of a person’s heart than their appearing to be perfect.

 On the outside the Pharisees appeared to have it all together but they were following the Law for all the wrong reasons. In Galatians 3:19, Paul comes to the conclusion that the purpose of the law was actually to highlight sin, thus showing man their need for a Savior. But how did Paul come to that conclusion when his life was so marked by the influence of the Pharisees and he had become as zealous as any of them, if not more, in his striving for religious perfection? In order to determine this, the events of Paul’s life leading up to his experience on the road to Damascus must be examined.

Beginning in Acts 6, there was a group of men, namely scribes and Pharisees, who had become outraged at the things that Stephen had been speaking. Stephen had been preaching that Jesus was in fact the Righteous One, the Messiah, and they had betrayed and murdered him (Acts 7:52). Paul [then called Saul] had been amongst those who were outraged by this teaching and he gave approval of Stephen’s execution by stoning (Acts 7:58-8:1). It was after this that Saul zealously persecuted the Christian church for what they were teaching about Jesus. It says that he was “ravaging the church, and entering house after house, he dragged off men and women and committed them to prison.” So what was Paul really upset about? Why was it so unacceptable for Jesus to be the Righteous One; the One who was to come; the Messiah? The Pharisees too were expecting a Messiah to come, but it was not going to be someone who was crucified. How could it have been when Deut.  21:23 clearly stated that a man hung on a tree was cursed by God? The Pharisaic understanding of how the Messiah would come and what he was coming to do was completely different than how Christ came and what he actually did.

The NT reveals what the expectation was of the Messiah’s coming and what they thought it meant for the nation of Israel. After the time of Daniel, “the Messiah” was a title that referred to a king that was prophesied to come. But, as the Jews continued to struggle against political rulers, the Messiah was also thought to be a political and military ruler who would come and establish his kingdom for the people. They believed that the Christ was going to come performing signs and wonders, but also that he would rescue his people and deliver them from their enemies, after which he would set up a kingdom and rule forever (John 7:31; John 12:34). Psalm 2 speaks of this Messianic King being “God’s son” and shows that God will give him rule over the nations. So for Paul, his expectation was of a physical kingdom that was going to be set up, where the Messiah would rule and reign forever. I can imagine then that there was a definite need for concern in Paul’s mind when Jesus was crucified on a cross yet people proclaimed He was the Messiah. It was completely contradictory to what the Scripture told him was going to happen when the Messiah came, not to mention that Jesus must have been cursed by God in order to have died that way. Paul saw the movement of people proclaiming Jesus as Messiah to be an extreme threat for the nation of Israel as he considered them to be “led astray”. He saw no other option than to put a stop to it in a permanent way. Thus it comes to Saul the Persecutor, who was determined to completely wipe out this belief in Jesus of Nazareth as the Messiah.

Now in Acts 8 it shows that Paul was “ravaging the church” and from Acts 9:1-2 we see that Paul, “still breathing threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord,” had gone to the high priest in order to obtain warrants of arrest for those who were followers of Christ in Damascus that he might bring them to Jerusalem to be imprisoned. And it was on this road to Damascus that Paul met the risen Lord.

Acts 9:3-21

Now as he went on his way, he approached Damascus, and suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him. 4 And falling to the ground he heard a voice saying to him, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?”  5 And he said, “Who are you, Lord?” And he said, “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting.  6 But rise and enter the city, and you will be told what you are to do.”  7  The men who were traveling with him stood speechless, hearing the voice but seeing no one. 8 Saul rose from the ground, and although his eyes were opened, he saw nothing. So they led him by the hand and brought him into Damascus. 9 And for three days he was without sight, and neither ate nor drank.

10 Now there was a disciple at Damascus named Ananias. The Lord said to him in a vision, “Ananias.” And he said, “Here I am, Lord.” 11 And the Lord said to him, “Rise and go to the street called Straight, and at the house of Judas look for a man of Tarsus named Saul, for behold, he is praying,  12 and he has seen in a vision a man named Ananias come in and lay his hands on him so that he might regain his sight.”  13 But Ananias answered, “Lord, I have heard from many about this man, how much evil he has done to your saints at Jerusalem. 14 And here he has authority from the chief priests to bind all who call on your name.” 15 But the Lord said to him, “Go, for he is a chosen instrument of mine to carry my name before the Gentiles and kings and the children of Israel.  16 For I will show him how much he must suffer for the sake of my name.”  17 So Ananias departed and entered the house. And laying his hands on him he said, “Brother Saul, the Lord Jesus who appeared to you on the road by which you came has sent me so that you may regain your sight and be filled with the Holy Spirit.” 18 And immediately something like scales fell from his eyes, and he regained his sight. Then he rose and was baptized; 19 and taking food, he was strengthened.

 

For some days he was with the disciples at Damascus. 20 And immediately he proclaimed Jesus in the synagogues, saying, “He is the Son of God.” [ESV]

 

In the flash of a moment, everything changed for Paul.

Not only did he stop his persecution of the Christians, but he immediately began proclaiming Jesus as well. This is an extreme transformation. As a Pharisee who had grown up in a wealthy family of very devout Jews, Paul had it all. He had studied at the feet of the most prestigious Pharisee; he was leading the way for battle against this blasphemous movement of Christians; and he had climbed to the top of the ladder both politically and religiously. He was striving for religious perfection and he was well on his way to attaining it, until he met Jesus. In that moment, Paul received a revelation that was so profound for him that he was willing to leave all of his “accomplishments” behind and live a life completely dedicated to the One whom he had persecuted. So what exactly did this encounter mean to Paul and why did it show him that Jesus was indeed the Messiah?

Paul was now face to face with the resurrected Jesus.  It was not resurrection that Paul as a Pharisee would have had a problem with. In the OT, it is shown in many places that there was an understanding of life after death for those who were found righteous before God. (Ps. 49:15; Job 19:25-26; Isaiah 26:19; Hosea 13:14). There was a hope amongst the people of Israel that the righteous would meet God after death. But, Jesus’ appearing to Paul in His resurrected form changed everything for Paul. As I said before, the idea of resurrection was not something completely off base according to the Pharisees, because within the resurrection of the righteous there was an understanding that the time for God to fulfill His promises was upon them (Isaiah 26:19; Hosea 6:3; Daniel 12:2; Ezek. 37:9). But how could this be if Jesus was cursed by God? Paul was now faced with the reality of the resurrection which pointed Paul to Jesus’ true righteousness. The time for God to fulfill what was said in the OT was now! Jesus had appeared in his resurrected form and in the same way that Yahweh had appeared to those in the OT. Now what Paul was seeing was that Jesus was not only the Messiah but he was the cosmic Lord of the Universe as well. When Jesus told Paul that it was Him that Paul had been persecuting, this would have meant that those who believed in Him were now identified with Him. If that was true, then what Jesus had accomplished on the cross had changed everything. It had brought about the long expected day of salvation. As Herman Ridderbos says, “It is the ‘appearing of our Savior’ that is the proof of the great turning point of the times. For this reason the whole content of the mystery that has now been revealed can be qualified and summarized in the one word – Christ”. What Stephen had been proclaiming was true! The way Paul had been looking at the Messianic King was completely wrong. Not only that, but now everything he read in the OT had to be looked at through a different lens. Talk about a humbling experience!

For Paul, when the risen Christ appeared to him and said what he did, he realized that there was a paradigm shift. Suddenly there was a realization of what Jesus had really accomplished on that cross by taking our transgressions and how he was truly establishing His kingdom. It was not a physical kingdom as he and so many had thought, but a spiritual one and the rescue for the people of God was a spiritual rescue as well. He realized that it was always meant to be a resurrected Messiah that would fulfill the promises of God. Everything was falling into place now in a new way. It was like someone had given him a key to this massive filing cabinet where everything he had read in the OT now was put into the right place and was organized in a way that made complete sense. He had never looked at it this way before. And the way that God had chosen to go about showing Paul this was perfect in every detail. When God blinded him physically, it showed that he had been spiritually blind and that God was revealing spiritual truth, restoring his sight. This spiritual sight and understanding was something that all of his study and dedication to the Law did not give him. God was showing Paul that He is the one who reveals truth and that it is revealed at exactly the right time. Paul had thought he was on the right track. Reading through the NT I see more clearly how all things fell into place for Paul and that he was now able to look at the OT Scriptures through a completely new perspective of the resurrection.

Paul’s revelation can be seen more clearly in Romans 1:3-4 as he explains that Christ is the Son of God and descended from David. As I mentioned before, Psalm 2 says that the King Messiah is “God’s son”. This is evidence that Paul is now reading his OT with a new mindset. In Romans 4:25 is says, “[Jesus] was delivered up for our trespasses and raised for our justification”. Here Paul is using two passive verbs. In Greek these are two “dia” clauses. “He was put to death dia our transgressions” and “…was raised dia our justification”. In Isaiah 53 these same verbs are used (Isaiah 53:5, 10-11). Paul is now seeing Jesus as Isaiah’s suffering servant. It is through the resurrection that the Servant makes “his offspring” “righteous”. Jesus is the one who took our transgressions upon himself and died the death that was meant for us and through his resurrection we have been justified. Christ’s example of this humble servant can be seen in Phil. 2:5-11

5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,  6  who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. 9  Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, 10 so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. [ESV]

Jesus was the suffering servant spoken of in Isaiah. Paul is demonstrating the humility of Christ as the ultimate example for believers. This is evident when looking at the way in which Paul views himself in light of Christ’s example when he calls himself multiple times, “a servant of Christ Jesus”. Paul uses two different words for servant when he refers to himself as such in the NT. Paul uses the Greek word “duolos” frequently, which means slave. But in 1 Cor. 4:1 the Greek word used is “huperetes” which means under rower.

Slavery was widespread during that time.

They did not have any rights of their own and were permitted to do only what their masters asked of them. A slave was a thing, something to be owned and the only difference between a slave and other physical assets was that he could become free, but even then, only under certain circumstances. In Roman law the master could free their slave by paying a price for their redemption, but there were certain obligations between patron and freedman in this case. The patron was now responsible for providing for the well-being of this freedman and though the freedman now enjoyed the privileges of a free citizen of the Roman Empire, he was still bound to his master with some responsibilities. He may have worked a certain number of days of the week, month or year for his patron.

The Jewish law of a freed slave was much different than this. In the OT Law during the Year of Jubilee, which occurred in the seventh year, slaves were set free. This could happen on the terms of payment or any other term that the master saw as satisfactory. Manumission of slaves for the Jews was something that was final though, and if the master tried to reserve any rights over the slave thereafter it would make the transaction invalid.

Paul states in 1 Cor. 7:21-22 “Were you a slave when called? Do not be concerned about it. But if you can gain your freedom, avail yourself of the opportunity. For he who was called in the Lord as a slave is a freedman of the Lord. Likewise he who was free when called is a slave of Christ.” To Paul, Christ had purchased the freedom for all by paying the full redemption price. To those who had been slaves of men, that redemption meant they were free in the eyes of God to serve Jesus as Master and for those who had been free they had now been purchased by Him and were now to serve Him with their lives. So then, when Paul refers to himself as “huperetes” which meant under rower, what was he saying?

An under rower was a military position in the Roman empire. Under rowers were those that rowed in Roman warships at the very bottom level of the ship. There were usually three levels of rowers. This lowest of rowing decks sat about a foot above the water and was reserved for those slaves that had been captured by the Romans and were put to work for their army. They were usually chained to their seats and faced a captain who sat at the head of all of them, giving them strict orders that were to be obeyed promptly. This was a warship. There was no option for delay or for not following orders. This is how Paul saw himself! This was how he wanted others to see him, and his life really did demonstrate it.

For Paul, he saw no other option for his life after that experience on the road to Damascus. Paul saw it as a commissioning. As Christ appeared in all His glory before Paul’s very eyes, the way Yahweh had appeared to those called by him in the OT, Paul knew that there was a calling on his life from God. God had chosen Paul to be an instrument used to bring the gospel to the Gentiles and kings and the children of Israel and God was going to show him how much he would suffer (Acts 9:15-16). Paul’s life is marked by that reality as seen throughout his letters and life experiences in the NT. Paul saw himself as the under rower. He had been called by Yahweh! It was for this reason that Paul was able to say:

Five times I received at the hands of the Jews the forty lashes less one. 25 Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I was stoned. Three times I was shipwrecked; a night and a day I was adrift at sea; 26 on frequent journeys, in danger from rivers, danger from robbers, danger from my own people, danger from Gentiles, danger in the city, danger in the wilderness, danger at sea, danger from false brothers; 27  in toil and hardship, through many a sleepless night, in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure. 2 Cor 11:24-28, [ESV]

And yet still be able to say after listing off his worldly accomplishments in Philippians 3:6-8:

But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. 8 Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— 10  that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11 that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. Philip. 3:7-10 [ESV]

There was no looking back for Paul, only a daily deepening of the knowledge of the truth as he reflected on what he had studied of the OT now through a new lens. The zeal that he had had for the law was now simply transferred and strengthened for the sake of the gospel. He operated without fear in the things that the Lord asked of him. His life was marked by the humility of Christ’s example and the love Christ had expressed through his willingness to die on the cross for our transgressions. This same love flowed through Paul and caused his zeal to now drive him to love those who needed to know this truth. In that simple moment, Christ was revealed and a life was transformed. Paul’s transformation from Persecutor to Under Rower was one that changed history and I am so thankful.

What can we take away from all of this
as believers ourselves?

 For one, we can take away a deeper revelation of Christ’s death and resurrection. As followers of Christ we see from Paul what it means to live a life completely dedicated to Jesus. If we are to follow in Christ’s footsteps as His disciples then our lives should reflect the same dedication to the gospel as Paul’s did. Paul was not an incredible tool because of anything he did on his own. Paul was incredible because he had received a revelation of what God had done for us through Christ and he got it. It is important that we never allow the revelation of Christ’s death and resurrection to lose its power and impact in our lives. May it never become something that we take for granted. May we as well, dedicate ourselves to being under rowers in obedience to God for His glory. Amen.

Living for others, not ourselves

I had a thought today as I was having a quiet time with the Lord. I will give you the reference of what I was studying, explain to you what I was thinking of this text and lead you to what I think is a revelation I got. I was reading Romans 15:1-7 and the reason I was reading this was because I was feeling weak and I felt like I needed the strong to lift me up. Which is what Paul is talking about here, in Romans 14 he is talking about the weak and some problems they may have (with food, special days etc). Then in chapter 15 he is talking about the strong bearing with the weak, this is totally contrasted/connected to chapter 14.  There are the weak in chapter 14, and Paul says in 15:1 “We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves.” We have an OBLIGATION – wow.  Not a question. If you feel you are strong, it is not about you, you are to “bear with the failings of the weak”. That is the amazing thing about Christianity, it is NOT about us. Probably the only religion in the world that things that way. So sorry, if you are a christian and think it is about you I would have to disagree with you, that is not what the Bible teaches.  It is NOT about us, it is about others. Christianity is a live-out religion, for others, not for ourselves. Sorry, a little sidetracked there. So I kept reading and was struck by this idea of living in harmony in v5, and how the “God of endurance and encouragement” is going to grant that to us.  But wait, even with this, it is not about ourselves. Lets read on. v6 “THAT together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.” So WHY do we live in harmony? Paul connects this with glorifying God and Jesus with ONE voice. Again, not about us. Now, HOW can we do all this? HOW can we live in harmony and bear with the failings of the weak? Let me tell you. It is because God has done all this that we can. God first loved us, that is why we can love. Let me show you in the text here. v2-3 – We are to please our neighbor, build him up FOR Christ did not please himself. v4 – The Scriptures are giving us hope through “endurance and encouragement” v5 – God is described as the God of “endurance and encouragement” v7 – “Therefore, welcome one another AS Christ has welcomed you, FOR the glory of God” So, we can bear with the failings of the weak, please our neighbor, live in harmony, all these things BECAUSE GOD first did this. God showed us how. We can love because God first loved us. And it is all for HIS GLORY as well. Side note, John is saying the same thing as well.   John 4:19 “We love because he first loved us.” So, as I was studying this, this is what I thought to myself. You will act like that of which you worship. 

We love, serve one another, live in unity/harmony, bear with the failings of the weak, etc. BECAUSE God first did all this. He is whom we worship, and we act like that. Well, not all the time because we do have the sin nature. But this is WHY we can love, why we can serve, etc. It is not because we are so great and amazing, but it is because GOD is so great and amazing and HE FIRST LOVED US! When we did NOT deserve it (still don’t deserve it), when we beat him and nailed him to a tree, he loved us. He gave his life for us because he loved us. And now we can love, because he first loved us.
So, tell me if I am wrong, but I think this is true. You will act like that of which you worship. If you worship sex, you will act in that belief. If you worship money, you will act on that. I think whatever you worship, that is how you are going to live your life.
So, then the question is, what do you worship? Or who do you worship?

Divine Appointment

We were serving in Chiang Rai living in a coffee shop called Homemade Cafe, which is run by Bobby Bo & Boo Ya. Each Saturday, Walking Street, (a local night market) opens up right next to the cafe, and our team would evangelize and meet people.  One day my co-leader, Steve Hazeltine, went walking through the city and met these three women. They saw him down the street and yelled for him to come over. They ran a massage parlor, but when they met Steve they asked why he could speak some Thai and why he was in Thailand. When he told them that he was a Christian and wanted Thai people to know God’s love, they begged him to share more. He was able to share the Gospel with them and one of the women named Pak was ecstatic; she had been waiting for her friend Dtoi to hear the Gospel.
Dtoi had left Buddhism two years before but hadn’t felt like anything replaced it at all for her. She was a widow and had no family still connected to her.  The next night Steve and I went back to visit these ladies, they sat us down and gave us hot tea. Pak was excitedly telling me that they never meet foreign men with good intentions, and that Dtoi had decided to become a Christian. She had already thought some about Christianity,  but hearing the Gospel and seeing God’s love through Steve is what made her decide to convert.
Dtoi shared she was a very sinful, and we shared the parable that Jesus taught concerning another sinful woman — Those who are forgiven much, love much. Through this, Dtoi really experienced God’s love. It was amazing to see  these women encounter God’s love. Dtoi, an ex-buddhist widow became a believer, and Pak (who was Buddhist at the time) told us that she now believes in what Jesus has done, but that for her families sake, she is not ready to call herself a Christian. Despite that, Pak told us that she wants to tell all her friends about Jesus and that they should follow him.
To me it was such strong evidence that God loves Thai people, and that He is the one who leads us to the hearts of those who are ready. Steve had no idea these women were even there and Steve had no idea who these women even were and yet they called for him – it was like they were waiting for the Gospel; waiting to meet God and He let us be a part of it!

Fearing God

I’m not afraid of God.

So why are Christians commanded to “fear the Lord”?

God is my Father, he is loving and generous and kind beyond comparison and far more than I deserve. There is nothing about that to be afraid of. And yet all through the Bible we see references to the fear of the Lord (Proverbs 1:7, Ecc 12:13, Luke 1:50, etc). That can be a hard thing to pinpoint a definition to. The more I read the Scriptures, the more I start to think that maybe it’s not God we’re supposed to be afraid of. As I’m growing in my relationship with God and walking through the process of sanctification, I realize more and more the weight of my sin. It’s like, the more I realize how good and lovely and perfect and holy God is, the more I realize how grossly inadequate I am. I’ve come to this place in my life where the knowledge of my sin and the destruction that it brings to my relationship with God terrifies me. It’s not my Savior that I’m fearful of, but it’s the idea of being without him that scares me. Now, I know I’m saved and I don’t question losing my salvation, but as God reveals his character to me, I understand more deeply how much I need him.

The reason I think we need the “fear of the Lord” is because all too often we don’t see the problem with our sin. I don’t see the problem with my sin. I become complacent. I start to think that I’m doing okay, and that’s when I know I’m really bad. Once I heard it stated that the sin we most defend is the one we should be most worried about – and I can attest to that from personal experience. So often I catch myself thinking that I’m fine, I’m doing ok, I’m not that prideful, I’m not that selfish, so on and so forth. And it’s in those times that I find myself the most susceptible to sin and the farthest away from God.

In Exodus we see the nation Israel stuck in slavery to Egypt. There was nothing they could do to get themselves out of it, and it was only by God’s great power and mercy that they were delivered. They realized that they couldn’t do life without God, they needed him desperately (and not just for deliverance from slavery, but for everyday life – such as getting manna from heaven when there was no food in the wilderness). There’s no room for complacency or self-sufficiency when you’re stranded in the wilderness for 40 years with no food. Israel was to be a nation completely dependent on God as their Creator, Savior, Redeemer, and Provider. In Exodus 20, Moses is given the 10 Commandments for Israel to follow whole-heartedly. This wasn’t just a bunch of rules, but God’s way of allowing his people to be close to him. They shouldn’t kill, they shouldn’t steal, they shouldn’t lie, etc, because those things would separate them from him.

“[…] if you will indeed obey my voice and keep my covenant, you shall be my treasured possession among all peoples, for all the earth is mine; and you shall be to me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation (Exodus 19:5-6).

Still today Christians are called to be set apart from the world and to fear God. I do not think that we are supposed to be literally scared of God, but I do think we should seriously consider the consequences of not being with him. Romans 6:23 says that “the wages of sin is death” – that’s what our sin does to us, it kills us – “[…]BUT the free gift of God is eternal life in Jesus Christ”. Our choice to have a relationship with Jesus will save our lives, but it will also require that we walk away from our old lifestyles and serve him whole-heartedly. Understanding the fear of the Lord doesn’t just serve to make us moral, upright, righteous people while we’re on earth. It allows us to have a real relationship with God (beginning right now), one that continues on into eternity and saves us from ourselves, in order that we can spend eternity with our Creator, Father, and Friend.

“Moses said to the people, ‘Do not fear, for God has come to test you, that the fear of him may be before you, that you may not sin”’ (Exodus 20:20).

The fear of the Lord causes us to run from sin, and draws us closer to God. Therefore, fear sin in a way that makes you flee from it, and cling to God, who loves us and gave his life for us.

Healing and Restoration Through Dance

One of the most beautiful things about having a relationship with God is the way He relates to you so personally.  Often times we hear or read about how He knows us better than we know ourselves but when we get to experience it first hand that’s when you know He really does know and love you intimately.  I began to understand this intimate love through dance, a language I believe God knows very well. Dancing has always been a part of my life, I started at age five and have never really stopped.  There was always something about dance that drew me to continue learning; little did I know that God would use dance to speak to me and bring healing when I needed it most.

In the summer of 2002 my youngest sister who was only a little over a year old was killed in a car accident.  My twelve year old self did not understand why God would allow such a horrible thing to happen to a family who loved and served Him.  I remember watching my Mom weep with groans so deep and my Dad cry harder than I had ever seen, it stirred my little heart to a place of bitterness.  A God who loved me would not allow such a tragedy.  So I ran from Him, became angry and bitter, and declared that He didn’t exist.  My family stuck together, became stronger, and still worshipped God with all their hearts, but I just couldn’t.  I continued taking dance classes and filling my time with things that felt fulfilling to me, yet still all the while completely broken inside.  Then a few years later my parents were approached by the pastors of our church and asked to share their story.  They agreed and asked if I would like to contribute a dance to conclude there time sharing.  Naturally I agreed, I would never pass up an opportunity to perform.  So, based on my parents’ suggestion, I picked a song that seemed applicable and choreographed a dance to it.

The night of the talk came and it felt like any other night. My parents spoke and then I came on stage and waited for the music to start.  As the music came on and I performed my first few steps something inside me began to break. Did I really believe the lyrics I was dancing to? Did God really know better than me? Could I let go of the need to know why?  God began to move in my heart and with every step I let go and opened the door of my heart.  And God came in, I sat on the stage weeping in front of everyone, not fully understanding what had happened.  I had just messed up the ending to my dance and was on my knees weeping in front of the entire church, yet I didn’t care, I was beginning to see how hurt I was and how the Father’s love could bring restoration.  After that night God began a process of healing within me. You see, we merely have to take one step towards God and He runs after us with relentless abandon. And He was after me, He wanted my healing more than I did.

I was able to perform that dance on several more occasions, each ending with the same result of a broken, weeping mess on the floor.  Yet each time I did that dance a little more of me was healed. God used my love for dance to speak to me.  He knows me! He knew that the only way to get to my heart was through movement.  God used dance to heal me, to speak to me intimately, and to restore my relationship with Him.  God knows us intimately and cares more about our wholeness than we do, His love is relentless, and I know I will see Him use me and my love for dance to bring restoration to others in the future.  What an amazing, loving God I serve.

Bringing Hope to Places, Hope Wasn’t Brought

To sum up this experience in just a few words, is more of a challenge than what I had heard. You see, I could talk about salvations and how whole churches were rocked. But to me outreach was something else, something more personal, not about numbering salvation numbers off. It was the worst place I’d ever been, the corruption, the hopelessness. However it was one of the most beautiful places I’d ever seen, and God gave us the privilege of bringing hope to the broken, the less. And it was beautiful, it was challenging, it was extravagant! But most of all it was spirit lead and God again, and again, proved his eternal glory and his intimate love. It’s funny how you can go into a place thinking it’s you pouring out the love. When it felt like all I did was receive, throughout everything we had done. By refreshing the saints or picking up children who had never had hope.

This is where it all started for me, when it became a little more serious and a little less joke. So what is it about “Hope” that changes a face, that changes a place or a heart? What is it about “Hope” that attaches itself to faith and becomes attractive from the start? Hope that’s for a king ,for a bed-ridden or even the average man. That hope that impacts anyone no matter where they stand. So what’s different about hope, compared to love, life or success? Because today I look around and see that hope and hope itself brings light to the darkest mess. You see hope didn’t start when there was the death on a tree, hope started when Christ rose from the death, thus creating hope…for you and for me.

Hope is the breaking of chains, a comfort to pain, the renewal and gain to what once seemed lost. It comes out of nowhere bringing care to the uncared, and this hope does not and will not ever cost. You see… when Christ died, he died for us all, becoming a part of the fall, falling deeper than us all, pushing us up from underneath to arise to out call!

This.Is.Hope.

That no matter what we face. What were seen as, talked about or known, that Hope is an outpour of love, for the lost, the broken and disowned. It’s this “Hope” that is for anyone, no matter where they stand. Wether from the slums of Rio, the richest of kings or even the average man. It’s this “Hope” that changes a face, that changes a place and changes the heart. It’s this hope that attaches itself to faith and is attractive from the start. Those children became our lives in the slums, attaching themselves wherever and whenever they could. To be honest it wasn’t really us at all, it’s because the love of Jesus, experienced for the first time, is really really good. So for me this was my outreach, bringing hope to the people more so than the place. Because seeing that trash can of a home they lived in, only highlighted the value written across each and every face.

I can honestly say I am totally transformed, something like writing this I never would have done. But God cared for the people just as much as me, and glory be to him for what he did in Rio, Niteroi, the Mountain Churches and the slums.

Christmas in Reykjavik

On Christmas Eve we went to another city to help out the salvation army with like a Christmas dinner that they do for refugees and people seeking political asylum (its like people who had to escape from their countries because of war and they cant live with the rest of the population or work, so they like do nothing). Anyways it was one of the most meaningful touching Christmas experiences of my life! I started by just talking to some young men that were there, they were from all over, Africa, Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, Romania etc…they were so broken and hopeless. No one wanted them, loved them, and now they were stuck in Iceland! It was like prison to them. My heart broke for them because my dad was exactly like them. Here is my dads story: During the Vietnam War my dad was sent to Poland to study ship engineering. While he was studying he fell in love with the west and europe and freedom and he didnt want to go back. So he escaped and fled and spent many years running and hiding from the police. He ended up in a refugee camp in Austria just like these guys in Iceland. Then on Christmas Eve some YWAMers came to the camp and was sharing the Christmas Gospel with him and he gave his heart to God because he was so hopeless. A few weeks later he was accepted to go to Canada and thats why I am here now!

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So now here I am, 30 years later talking to guys who were in my dad’s shoes…on Christmas Eve! It was like I went back in time and was looking at my Dad! It was so crazy and I was so moved. Before the dinner I was asked to share the Christmas Gospel with them. When I was sharing it I almost started to cry because I thought that if someone like me didn’t come and share God’s love with my dad I might not be here or living a different kind of life. And then I read a part of the Christmas story that my dad says changed his life forever and I almost couldn’t read it cause my throat was all choked up! It was so so so amazing…remember how we were talking about how God prepares us? Even years before? It was what I was thinking, so amazing! How I was born into a family of an immigrant refugee, and now I can relate to these guys and have power to speak into their situation that others dont have! It was a huge blessing and some of the guys that were there were so encouraged and blessed and felt God’s love on Christmas to me I felt more blessed and God was so good and I felt so close to my father and my parents even though we are so far away.